The idea of “codependence” is interesting. It’s a weighted conclusion usually argued by the person with the most to lose in terms of emotional support. A relationship is strained, boundaries are attempted, motivations are guessed at, and still, one person can walk away much easier than the other (in many cases, not an absolute).
I feel it’s a disservice to peers to perpetuate a diagnosis of “codependence” where none exists, and it’s a detriment to a peer’s recovery and wellness mistakenly believing so when “codependence” does not exist.
Being told a lost relationship was codependent is often suggested by friends and providers as a “make the person feel better” mechanism to explain away more unilateral dependency. This is like pushing chocolate chip cookies filled with ex-lax. No matter how delicious the cookies, you can only fool the person for a very limited time and invariably you’re left with an extremely uncomfortable mess to clean up.
Kindly reprinted from Steve’s Thoughtcrimes.